News Flash From Someone Else's Brain

GARY INDIANA -- In a freak instance of cannibalism, an employee of the Wendy's fast food restaurant, Jeremy McGarrens, 22, jumped across the counter while working and bit into the shoulder of a customer that was simply attempting to order a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger. As McGarrens was being hauled away by police on assault charges, he was asked about the motivation behind his erratic outburst. He replied that he was simply a firm believer in the Wendy's mantra and it was "What tasted right at the time."